I love the fact that I am getting paid to do something I love. Don't tell anyone but I would sit in archives and organize a spreadsheet for free. There is something in the restorative power of research. (Yes, that is the dorkiest thing I have said this week) It's a form of therapy for me to sit and dig and research. I am so lucky to have an opportunity like this.

I'm off to New York!
Back home for the weekend! I've scheduled a visit to the New York Public Library archives and, for my own personal enjoyment, I'm going to hunt down the Chester A. Arthur house and visit some churches. I can't wait!

What I did over summer vacation.

That was me yesterday. You can ask anyone who saw me. I am so excited to go back to school. Mostly because this summer was a disaster.

What did I do over my summer vacation?

Nothing.

At least I perceive it as nothing. I feel like I didn't get anything productive done. I wanted to write, I wanted to read a dozen books, I wanted to do everything. I took the summer semester off to relax and live a little. I lived a lot. I went to the beach, I had parties, I read books that had nothing to do with school. I did not however relax.

I learned something this summer, I need structure. I need deadlines. I need to be graded. I feel like Lisa Simpson. When I finally realized that the funk I had been in most of the summer was due to lack of homework, I started counting down to the first day of school. It's day two and I have a list of things to get done already. I am excited and oddly relaxed. What am I going to do when I graduate?



The summer wasn't a total wash. I signed up for a second major, Religious Studies. While I didn't write a lot, I certainly read plenty. I prepped for this semester, so hopefully it won't be so hectic. I managed to secure a research position on an amazing project. I think that's it, still not to shabby for being on "vacation."

Lesson learned, I will never take the summer off again.

My laptop es morte!!

Last November I was in a car crash, we were coming home from a Mexican restaurant when I was t boned by a cab. Fortunately everyone was ok. The biggest loss in the accident was my left over burrito that had been sitting on top of the dashboard. When the airbags went off, the burrito hit the dash and exploded. My response- "nooooooo!!! El burrito es morte!"
Because of this, when something stops working in the house, the response is _____ es morte!!!

A few days ago I came home from work and fired up my laptop to send over my finally revised undergrad research application. As I was backing it up to my Dropbox my laptop froze. I restarted and it wouldn't fire back up. Oh no!! I tried for an hour before I packed up and ran to the Apple store to find out if it could be fixed. Sadly, my hard drive died. I had accidentally dropped it the day before and killed it. Es morte! Not only is there a whole ton of research for my thesis in there, but also all of my pictures and a ton of other files that I might not need right away but I will soon. The worst part is the cost. It's going to cost me a ton to get the hard drive restored much less a new computer. Ugh! Thankfully I have the iPad to get me by for awhile. It's a great band aid for the problem but I can't print or download files to a flash drive, I can't upload pictures, and there's no flash player. It's an amazing little piece of technology but it's just not a computer.

Lesson learned. Back up everything to the cloud! Everything! As a matter of fact I am going to reconfigure my iPad now to auto save to iCloud. Right now!!

I haven't done a lot of writing, but I have done a lot of reading. 

Whenever I meet with the Professor that is working with me on my Senior Thesis, I leave both terrified and confident. He assures me I will be a better writer, yet I have no clue how I am ever going to do this.

The Second Day of July 1776 will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America. . . . It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires, and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more."

--John Adams to Abigail Adams, July 3, 1776

  If you see a crazy girl waving a flag having a parade up and down your block by herself, shooting a gun, ringing a bell...

Just assume it's me.

The not so glorious summer kick off.

What is that about the best laid plans of mice and men? I should be a case study for that phrase. I had laid out a plan of action for my summer reading. I would breeze through book after book effortlessly. Relaxing day by day in the hammock, chapter by chapter, burning through post it flags underlining like a machine!
Until Monday I had read 4 chapters of one book.
I had lost my momentum. I'm back on track now. I've been reading most of the day. I stopped to eat lunch and hang out with the fat dog for a bit. I am outside at the new work friendly table, instead of the lazy hammock and that seems to have changed my perspective. This change of "venue" made me think.
How do you get in the state of mind to write? Maybe my most of my hurdles are self inflicted. I've already realized my fear is of my own creation. Seems like my sloth is as well. I've always been the kind of person who reads and studies in bed but perhaps I need to adjust that mentality for the looseness of summer. The lack of structure is obviously a problem.
First step to fixing a problem is identifying it. So, I should probably stop blogging and start reading. Where did those Puritans run off to...

There is nothing to fear except falling out of the hammock and the neighbors laughing at me.

I promised I would get back in to school brain after the 4th and I am. I was up on campus yesterday cleaning out files for Phi Alpha Theta and making the official switch to president. I took care of paper work for my senior thesis, or I started to. I made inquires about adding a religious studies minor to my degree, and started reading my summer reading books.

I sat down today to write up my senior thesis proposal. I tried. I've got two words on the screen.  All of a sudden I realized what holds me back. It isn't laziness or procrastination. It isn't stupidity or lack of knowledge on a subject. It isn't work ethic. It isn't writers block. It's fear. Pure fear.

I hold myself to a higher standard than I think other students do. It's not bad, but it means that I am my hardest critic. I take constructive criticism seriously and seek to utilize it. I want to grow and improve.

At times I think I am held to a higher standard by my professors as well. I probably wouldn't be as paranoid about this had I not been friends with one of my t.a.'s who basically told me that because I am in the honor society he expected a higher level of work from me and because of that may have graded me a little harder than other students.

The knowledge that not only do I expect more, but so do others scares me. Mistakes scare me. Admitting that I am not perfect is easy, being corrected on a mistake is not.
How do I fix this? I need a full time editor on staff. 
Maybe I just need to get over myself and once again, get out of my own head. Shut off the chatter and just do it.

Two days later-

So, something clicked in my brain. I don't know what it was or how. I have some suspicions, but I don't know how much I can or should post here since there is some cross over between my personal life. The basic realization is that my confidence has been shaken. I was seeing someone who I admired professionally. While we were together, he did a great job of bolstering my confidence, and when the personal relationship fell apart I think it took some of my professional confidence with it. If this is all the stumbling block is, then I can get over it. I am sure it's not all of it, but it certainly has been holding me up the past few months. I am not lazy or a procrastinator. I am afraid. This has been translating itself as me putting off work and then rushing to crank out substandard work, that isn't a good reflection of my work and no one is happy grading and I am unhappy turning in.

I can get over this!

Good news. All my panic about writing my thesis proposal was for naught. I realized its essentially the work that I had been doing in my research methods class all semester. I just have to put it together and hand it in. Imagine a research project is the same thing as thesis proposal. If I haven't said it yet, I'll say it now, I am so fortunate to have taken that class, with that professor, this semester. I couldn't imagine a better situation and I will take the skills I leaned and use them for the rest of my life.

All that being said, I've got reading to do and a very hot pug to hose down. Poor little guy.

Today I learned that for every question I answer, I will have 20 more.
I decided to organize my piles of research before I start my official summer reading list. What happened was a cycle of reading something I jotted down and then digging up 10 other things and making 10 other notes on things to look up to go with those 10 things. I have to get a better system. This is a big problem for me. When do I stop answering the question? It's history, I am the way back machine. How far in the way back machine do I have to go to give the best answer?

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth...



Wait, Am I supposed to cite that? I am going back to brain off mode for the day, where's the remote?

I have set a date of June 4th to resume all blogging and school activities. I needed a break, this semester kicked my behind. Until then I'll be in the hammock watching Jersey Shore on my porch. Leave a message.

Proof that I am still alive.

I promise  you, I am alive. This semester has not killed me... yet. With 2 days left it might. For now I'll leave you with this:


This is why I will never be an adult.


When my friend sent it to me, my response was "Hey look, my life story! "

OAH recap- finally.

I made a Venn diagram last summer that was pretty accurate.

 

If I tried to do one right now, it probably wouldn't even get done. I would put it on the bottom of my list of things I wanted to do but never did. I made a small dent in my to do list today by making an epic journey to Home Depot to get paint for the new apartment. Now that I've got the momentum "going" I might as well try and recap OAH. (finally)

As someone who wants to be an Archivist and considers that an aspect of public history, I might be biased, but OAH was AWESOME!!!

I’ll admit it. I skipped class on Thursday. I weighed the options and realized that going to a panel on teaching effecting historical writing was a better advancement in my education than a lecture on the black death, and I would be happier at a panel on the history of the conservative movement than I would be in my Islamic history class (sorry to either professor if they should stumble on to this) I don’t regret the decision at all.

The first panel on Thursday was geared toward teaching effective writing methods in grade k-12. While I have no intention of ever teaching, every time I go to a workshop like this I learn something useful for myself. In this case it was a better way to examine primary sources. Then it was a better way to explain how to examine a primary source. I have been trying to think of common issues to talk about when I the writing workshop at Writecamp, and I would have been at a loss of how to explain this concept before this panel. I am glad I went.
The second was on the history of the conservative movement. I admit part of the reason I chose this one is because the professor who is working with me on my senior thesis was chairing. Again, I am glad I went. Without dragging my personal politics in to this, I was captivated. To hear other people talk about “anti-feminism” always fascinates me, especially when it is a man.
The final panel for the day, was hands down the highlight of my weekend. Religion and Politics from Early Republic to the Civil War. You might as well have just put a sign on the door that said “Danielle Come Here!”  I have 5 pages of notes and ideas that I took away from the 3 papers. It’s refreshing to me to hear other people speak on topics that I am passionate about. I enjoy labor history and urban history and civil rights, but it seems so rare that I get to talk theology, colonial times and all that jazz with other people. I could write an entire entry on this panel alone.


Friday was dubbed Public History day. Every panel I saw had something to do with Public history. Again, I left with pages of notes and ideas to take back to UWM. One of the things I learned from Friday is how to discern what I am looking for in a graduate program. Hearing what projects are going on within other schools at both the grad and undergrad level, has given me a grocery list of criteria for the program I want to be in.
Friday night along with one of the UWM Public History Grad students, I attended the Public History reception. It is a another perk of getting to attend conferences as an undergrad. I get to shake hands and exchange business cards with people that I wouldn’t normally come in to contact with until I am interviewing for a job. I also had a chance to sit down with my favorite person, and talk about grad school options. It’s given me a lot to think about and someday, maybe I’ll blog about it.

By the time Saturday had rolled around I was half asleep on my feet. I did get to see an amazing panel on Labor History for the Public. I have never wanted to get in to a car and drive to Calumet MI before, but I do now. I also want to go see historic houses of New England and on the way see Black River Valley Mills. Captivation is an understatement!

Saturday night I sat through the Backstory Guys Pod cast. Any group that starts off by going through Ben Franklins terms for being drunk win me over!!

One of the biggest things that I took away from the weekend, is the power of digital networking. At least that is what I am going to call it. I started tweeting, re-tweeting and following over the course of the weekend. Via twitter, I was able to meet new people and find other opinions on panels. I know the power of social networking as a professional tool, but this was the first time I had seen it in full action. I am officially sold as a tweeter.

I guess that’s the short recap of the weekend. There were so many other little amazing things.

Did I mention I yelled at Peter Hoffer for writing my book?

That’s a story for another day. Right now I am going to go do some homework.

Almost done, 2 more weeks, then I will spend summer writing from the porch of my new apartment in a hammock, drinking sun tea and getting tan.

Procrastionation, the key to sucess. Or something like that.

I should be writing. I suppose technically this is writing but I should be writing for real, you know, on something I will be graded on. Somehow I forgot to do 3 comment papers that count towards my participation grade in one of my classes. Just forgot. That's not really like me.
I have a paper to do for my research class, I have another one of those comment papers due tomorrow, I have a feeling there will be a pop quiz in my medieval history discussion group at 9 am tomorrow PLUS the extra curricular things I get myself into. I have to decide what I am going to write that abstract on, and then write it. I have a handful of Phi Alpha Theta things to wrap up before the end of the semester and then there is the writing workshop thing I am supposed to be working on.
AHHH!!!
Did I mention I am moving in the middle of all this? Oh, and my 5 year old told her teacher she isn't even going to tell me about the mother's day thing at school because "My mommy is too busy, she won't come she has school work to do. She'll probably be writing a paper." Mother of the year! I won't even get in to my attempts at dating and a social life because it's pretty much a joke at this point.

I want to recap OAH. Once again I had amazing experience. I just don't have the time. It's this time thing that makes me wonder how people are writers, professors and whatever else at the same time.

 The positive side of this is, this is where I shine. I am best under pressure and deadlines. When there is nothing to do I panic because I think I am forgetting something. I will knock out the last few weeks of the semester and take a few days to relax and then snap back in to go mode. Right now, however, I am just getting by day dreaming of a time when I can read for pleasure and possibly sleep more than 5 hours a night. 

Immanuel Presbyterian at 175 years.


This is my church. Yep, my beautiful wonderful church (the one I don't have time to go to.) There is so much history there, and that is only a tiny part of why I love it.

I keep telling myself
"You are on the right track if other people are writing the books you want to write"

It's not helping. I want to have a pity party and hide under the covers.

2 days of OAH down and 2 to go. I am exhausted but I've taken away so much more than I even hoped.

So far this I've been to panels on:
Ways to teach history.
The history of conservatism (and I now know I hate the term anti feminist and want something more appropriate)
Religion and Politics in the late 18th/early 19th century- no really, it was in the book, I am not making it up!!
Public History and Community Engagement- I have 5 pages of notes from this one, obviously I took a lot away from it. As I said at the reception later that night "I feel armed with the tools I need to get more from the University than they want to give me in terms of fellowship money for undergrads" 
Desegregation and  conservatism, I didn't pick this, I went to this instead of a public history round table because small group discussions aren't my thing some days. I thought I would hate it but it was actually really good.

Just like AHA, every time I turn around there is someone else impressive behind me. The first day I turned around in a book booth and there is Peter Hoffer lecturing the sales rep about book prices, when I went over to another booth only to find out his newest book is essentially what I wanted to write my senior thesis on, he told me I should go on amazon and buy it cheaper- then argued with the rep.

I'm still upset about the fact that every idea I've had for the research I want to do seemed to have just come out in book form in the past 2 days. I keep telling myself that It isn't a bad thing. It means that I am on the right track, my ideas are good, I am thinking like people who are getting published. Except they are getting published and I am plodding along trying to get through this undergrad degree with out going crazy. I'll get there, someday.

As for right now, I am going to go try and go back to sleep for an hour, I've got a day full of panels. As tired as I am, I am so grateful that I get to do this.

I want to do this

CONFERENCE ON FAITH AND HISTORY

I REALLY want to do it. I am terrified. It would be a great opportunity for me and they are open to undergraduates. I'd have to come up with an abstract in less than two weeks. I am terrified to try, I'll kick myself if I don't.
I'm going to sleep on it and kick around some ideas and see what shakes out.

Advice is gladly accepted.

On the cusp of OAH I have no other word but excitement!!
It's another weekend full of history. Not that every day of my life hasn't been filled with history, but this is the kind of history I get to pick.
There is something to be said about learning about something you are interested in. I enjoy my medieval and Islamic history classes but this semester the class I a m enjoying the most is my research methods class. It's because I can choose what I am researching. It's something interesting to me every week. It's the same idea with OAH. I get to listen to lectures on American History and Public History and the future of both.

Then there is the books...

Ok, I cleaned the drool off my keyboard, back to writing. The idea that I am able to explore my own area of interest seems to be refreshing me and will hopefully kick me out of this end of semester slump I've been in.

Did I mention the books?

Shamless self promotion

A break from not doing the things I am supposed to be doing.

For those of you who don't know me personally, you probably don't know much about me, but a small part of me ( and this will be debated) is that I have Multiple Sclerosis. I'm fortunate enough that it doesn't effect my life drastically now, and I'd like to keep it that way. Every year we participate in a walk to help raise money for  research. I find the best way to do this is to just tell every one. So if you're feeling generous  please donate

http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/WIGWalkEvents?team_id=285322&pg=team&fr_id=18303

Thanks! 

I'm not lazy!

I had such high hopes for spring break.  I would post here, I would finish research, I would read The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism. Instead I watched J. Edgar and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, spent way too much time goofing off with my friends and drinking, napping, hanging out with the dog and enjoying the unseasonably warm March in Wisconsin.

I am a chronic overachiever. I do too much take on too many projects and it's rare that I take a week like this to unwind and relax. So please do not judge me as lazy, I am just normal, for a change. I will try and get back to writing here more regularly and more often, because if I don't practice writing and think about writing how will I ever learn to write. That being said it's back to routine.
Although seems like a week with no use for school has made me forget everything.

Ritalin is for the weak!

I need to focus. Naturally I am the kind of person who does too much at once, I worry about things I don't really need to worry about. For instance, the GRE.
I've really got another year before I have to worry about it, that is if I don't overload myself with another semester like this one and take too many credits. I keep taking practice tests and letting this black cloud of test hang over me. It's not the language portion I am worried about (at least I don't think I should be worried about it) it's the math.
Math- my nemesis. Who ever started the lie that learning music helps build math skills should be beat! I am a great musician, awful mathematician. I just don't get how math works. I know it's all logic but for some reason my head doesn't grasp the concept.  I have no clue how I am going to get through this test. I've gotten so overly anxious about it, no one will tell me how they did because it sends me in to a tailspin of panic. The result is, instead of doing the things I am supposed to be doing, like writing up my research paper for class, I am sitting online taking Kaplan's test your brain thing- and panicking.

I feel like I should just take it get it over with and never think about it again.

Time time time time time.

I don't know how people do this. I really don't.
There is so much to do and so little time. This is usually my busiest time of the semester. Midterms seem to coincide with everything else going on in my personal life.  On top of midterms, and all sorts of other things, we're planning our Phi Alpha Theta initiation.
I have 8 half written blog entries just sitting in a folder on my laptop.

Stay tuned. I promise. Over break they will be finished and posted.

Update-

The stomach flu does not help you write.

Glasses- check
Super hipster coffee shop in trendy neighborhood- check
Bad music that I can't stand- ... regrettably- check
Over caffeinated over priced over acidic coffee -esque thing- check
Writers block- check!

Why does this keep happening! I will be at work shelving books and all the brilliant ideas will run through my head. I will be asleep and wake up with the most creative ideas and write them down.
I set aside an afternoon to work on things like my personal statement or essays for school or whatever I am supposed to be working on and I wind up eating tomato soup and shopping for new sneakers. Even with the aid of my "handy dandy notebook" I've got nothing. It's like every intelligent thought I have ever had has turned to mush and run out of the side of my head. Granted I have had a stressful week but I could use that excuse every week. I have a stressful life. I admittedly like it that way.  There has to be a cure for the minor road block of, well, writers block.
One True Sentence, that's what Hemingway says right? Just start there...

My world is expanding!

I spent the afternoon in special collections at UWM. It was part of my research methods class homework. I can't lie, it was the most amazing homework I have had to do!
Not only is our amazing librarian also from Long Island, He doesn't make us wear gloves. He wants us to smell feel and get to know the books. This is my kind of guy.
After a 20 minute chat on Ulysses - Did I mention I am pretty much going to build a shrine to this guy- we got down to business. He was able to send me to a whole new source of research.
John Woolman.

Well who is this new guy! Someone new for me to research and learn about, Anti-slavery Quaker pre Revolution! I am so excited. Not that I have a lot of time to do a lot of research but it's someone new. Something I don't know about. When I get more time I can dig deeper in to this. As I am getting the information I need for my homework, I flip to the opening page of the book and what should I find- Lo and behold! Printed by B. Franklin!! Well of course, I had to stifle my yips of delight. This lead me to start talking to our librarian about my love of all thing Franklin- ok let's face it, my obsession.  Turns out we have a copy of Poor Richards Almanac as well as several other treasures in our collection. Right there, in our library. I would have never known!

Lesson learned from this, search don't stop. One little thing can lead to so much more. You never know what you are going to find. There is a treasure behind every turn. Something that may surprise you and shape the course of your research, your paper, your writing, your thinking. Even outside of history. Search, learn. Think of things differently. Look at something for something more than it is. Ask questions and learn. The library has always been the library to me. I am there all the time. I work in one, I study in the university library, I am comfortable there. Apparently too comfortable because I don't explore. Go outside of your comfort zone and explore!

Funny note, When I got home I hit up the "card catalog" and found this:

 Um, I don't know about anyone else, but I really don't think Ben Franklin is the guy I would have gone to for lady advice, just sayin'.

oh little blog, I haven't forgot about you. So much writing. So little time. I promise an update soon.

Where are the cards!!

My 18 credit load is killing me, I do not like digital card catalogs, I do not like trying to find things using magical keywords in search engines that get rejected. I would really like a room like this, a little golf pencil and to be left alone to do what I need to do.

-Sorry, I will push my glasses back up on my nose, re-pin my hair up in it's bun and go back along on my merry little librarian-esque way. Just needed to vent that.

Why I didn't read my homework

Citizen Archivist

I popped over to The Way Of Improvement Leads Home John Fea's blog and that was the most recent link.
My inner archivist  will not be getting anything done now, ironically when I fail all my classes because I didn't do any work tonight, I'll never get a job as an real archivist.

Mondays aren't for blogging silly rabbit!

A few days weeks ago, Alex @ Gradhacker.org (by the way you should check that out) sent me an article to read.
http://utdailybeacon.com/opinion/columns/chaos-theory/2012/jan/20/academia-stronger-new-media/ (By the way you should check that out too) Surprisingly, I didn't get to it right away. Finally today I took a few minutes on my break at work to check it out. I had to laugh! Here I am, trying so hard struggling to tighten my academic writing style, while this girl is trying to loosen up. Is this possible?
I sent her an email and I am going to follow her blog on her journey, and hopefully she'll follow mine when she can as well. I also took a peek in to the blog of the professor who assigned her the blogging assignment, of course I don't have the time I want to read it because I have 3 history classes to read for tomorrow but as soon as I do, I will. Something tells me I'll be tapping him as a resource soon as well.

Off to Medieval times- sadly not the restaurant but the time period both in Europe and the middle east.
In the mean time you check these things out:

http://hystericalhistory.wordpress.com/author/srusse22/

http://chadblack.net/

http://www.gradhacker.org/

Who

I guess since I am trying to learn how to write, I should go back to basics. Who, what, where, why and how.

Who. OK, umm, who...

Who am I writing for?
Who am I writing about?
Who am I trying to convince should believe my version of history is the right version?
Who am I kidding?


The first thing I realized when I tried to write about Ben Franklin is I had no idea how to set the tone of what I wanted to write. Did I want to approach this with the same super causal tone that I write this blog, did I want to try my hand at making it more academic? It’s hard to know just who your audience is. As an undergrad it’s hard to adjust each semester to the expectations of new professors. Even a week in to three different history classes, each one of the three professors has different expectations and will all require me to change the level and tone of my writing. I think this is a common problem many undergrads face. There is no constant expectation. Last semester, I was fortunate enough to have a professor who pushed hard for writing, who expected college level writing. This semester, I am getting “fun” assignments. One class is asking for writing in an academic style for research. Another wants you to present an argument, and yet another is for fun, in the first person to tell a story. It’s hard to determine how to set this tone on your own without being told. That is just simply with in the context of school, when left on my own to write, I really have no clue what my personal style would be. If this blog is any indication it’s amazing I don’t write lolcatz style.

Then comes the topic of who am I writing about. In historic writing you’d think it would be simple. The characters are all laid out for you. It’s like a simple solution to tell the story

 EVENT = PEOPLE + PLACE

OK GO!

I never have to offer writing advice again, I never have to read another book on writing again! It was that simple. Except, who do you include, how much is too little how much is too much. Let’s revisit my Ben fiasco again. When I sat down to write 10 random facts about Ben Franklin, I didn’t know when to stop. I could start talking about his early life, and his family and his parents and that lead me to his parents candle shop, and his early life working with his brother and the Silence Dogood letters and then I started writing too much about his brother. You can see where this is going. In fiction writing you have to create a whole person. The backstory is all yours to build. In historical writing, it’s there. Details and all. Primary documents can be a blessing and a curse. Letters and pictures for example can provide you with so many details of a particular person’s life that you want to include every detail, but you can’t. How do you know what to leave out? How well can you tell a complete history if you leave someone or some event. The smallest detail sometime has the biggest affect. If you remove Ben Franklin’s brother from his life story, you remove a huge part of the story. His brother is where he learned the printing trade. When do you make the judgement call? I don’t think there is a simple formula for this. Much like learning to write for your audience, I think over time you learn. Maybe as each piece of writing evolves you learn. You start off leaving a something out, when you get to a later point you decide you might need to include it, and the opposite also might be true. You write and re read and you realize you’ve included too much. You can leave out telling your reader
 “Halfway to concord” is your favorite of Ben Franklins expressions for being drunk.

Recently when I talked to my history advisor about my issues with writing he gave me some great advice. Don’t try to write someone else’s version of history. Take your research and interpret it for yourself. As long as you can back up your version with research, you aren’t wrong. If you want to say that George Washington wasn’t the first President of the United States, well then go for it, but you better have some amazing sources. It’s a hard idea to grasp. I have the control to interpret history. I am barely  a historian. So who am I trying to convince. Myself most of the time. When I write I realize I have to construct some sort of argument to convince the reader, but it’s not a true argument. My research should speak for itself. While I may not be a good writer I’d like to think I am a good researcher, and I want my writing to reflect that. I want my writing to flow naturally so the argument is hidden in the story. I don’t want the reader to feel like they are being convinced with an argument, but instead finish reading and have a new perspective on the topic.


Who is hard. Who is complex and is going to take much thought. Writing history involves writing biography. Who is a huge part of history. Without the who, there isn’t much of a story to tell. Learning who to tell the story to, who needs to be in the story and who is really going to believe you in the end is a long struggle, but it’s a key point in learning to write.

No time! Hurry Hurry!!

I am taking 3 history classes this semester, an Italian class and a math class. 18 credits. I can do it, I'm superwoman.
That's not why I sat down to post, I actually don't have time to post, I have to get dinner together and work on homework.

I am a woman on a mission. I am working so hard to create better undergraduate writers. I am so passionate about this. It's so important to me. I have talked to the history department, I have begged them. I have pleaded.

I walk in to one of my history classes. I read the syllabus.


I see our writing assignment.

I want to either cry or vomit.

I am supposed to write from the third person and pretend I am a nurse during the black plague or a pope? Wait WHAT!!!! No!!!! This is the opposite of what we should be doing! I get it. It's a "fun" assignment, to encourage these kids in the survey class to do research, but come on, you're killing me!
I am going to get dinner together and pretend like this didn't happen.

How does this happen

Have you seen that show Hoarders on A&E, that's kind of what my schedule looks like the first week of every semester.
It's not that I want it to, it just happens. It's mostly Phi Alpha Theta and getting used to the new schedule. Especially in the Spring, because it usually falls on the week of my daughters birthday (yesterday)

Don't think I forgot about you little writing blog. I have a million things to say and just as many post it notes with amazing ideas for challenges/topics. I'll be back as soon as recruitment week is over... if I survive.

well...

To say my self imposed assignment was a failure would be an understatement. It ended up looking like this:

The short version of the long story is this:
A drive that should have taken 15 minutes to get to a doctors appointment took an hour an a half and resulted in me screaming in the car "occupy snow plows" and "Brazil,I'm going to grad school in Brazil!!!"
Eating a very large and over sized lunch which ended with an much needed nap. Hence the computer and books and pug in the bed with me. (Don't judge my snooki-esque bed I am originally a long islander)
Waking up to attempt to write and my friend, whom I haven't seen in months ask me to dinner. Using the rational "Ben Franklin would want you to eat $2 taco Tuesdays"  I couldn't resist.

Strangely nothing got done.
Add to all that the impending doom of the start of the upcoming semester, the fact that I am neck deep in Phi Alpha Theta business, I really had no clue what I was thinking. Plus, I am not sure if you are aware how hard it is to dig up 10 facts about someone you know a lot about in one day. It was an unrealistic idea. The good thing that came out of this little failed mission is I learned somethings. What did I learn? You'll have to wait and see, I have to run off to the library now. But rest assured, I'm taking notes and even I am amazed at the things I am learning even in this short amount of time exploring life as a writer. A writer. Me!? Who knew.

Musing over a Muse

“I always worked until I had something done and I always stopped when I knew what was going to happen next. That way I could be sure of going on the next day. But sometimes when I was started on a new story and I could not get going, I would sit in front of the fire and squeeze the peel of the little oranges into the edge of the flame and watch the sputter of blue that they made. I would stand and look out over the roofs of Paris and think, "Do not worry. You have always written before and you will write now. All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know." So finally I would write one true sentence, and then go on from there. It was easy then because there was always one true sentence that I knew or had seen or had heard someone say. If I started to write elaborately, or like someone introducing or presenting something, I found that I could cut the scrollwork or ornament out and throw it away and start with the first true simple declarative sentence I had written.” - Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

That is the quote that inspired this blog. It is how I write. If I can just get that first sentence. That first true sentence, regardless of if I have to rewrite it, or it gets moved to the bottom and becomes the last sentence, once it’s on the screen, it’s there, it’s a start.  That’s todays topic. Inspiration. Where do you find your muse?

Even though I admit I am not a writer, I have a personal blog. I don’t even know how to classify it. It started as a joke.I can update it from my phone and  I will openly admit when I am out with my friends, I drunk dial or drunk text, It was an outlet for my drunk texting. Some how over time it’s evolved in to a place where I put my more personal thoughts.  I am an over analyzer and it is a great place for me to lay things out in print and look them over. Even though it’s public not many people I know in real life follow it and I don’t put any thing too personal on there. I called it “Like the second coming of Hemingway” with the subtitle “I write best when I am drunk, words spill out of my heart.” Like I said, drunken ramblings. Most recently of how much I love my boyfriend. No one wants to read that dribble. My muse is either my heart or the booze, maybe a little of both. Regardless of the muse, the words do come freely, no grammar, no word count, no theme. Just my rambling thoughts. 

This blog comes fairly easy as well, what is my struggle, how am I going to address it? Talk about it. (it’s post 2, I might be getting ahead of myself)  It’s a free flowing format that is similar to what is in my head, I can get the first sentence, and the rest just flows. It’s the struggle in my head only now it's on paper. It’s the questions I need to ask and wish I had someone to ask them to, the things that I wonder if anyone else thinks about.  My muse is my struggle. I don’t know if it’s so much of a muse, as a motivator. 

Every time I have  to write, I ask my two writer friends for their advice. One who runs several writing workshops in the Milwaukee area and one who is working on a PhD in creative writing. Real writers, not like me. They try and offer advice but much like every other writer I know they are trained to make things up. Tell stories. While I would trust them to fix my grammar, (and one of them probably should) they just  don’t write they way a historian writes. It’s a totally different art form. Recently, one of them suggested I read my favorite author and just write like him. That seems like a good idea but here is the problem. I read primary documents. I can not write like 18th century politicians. I could, but even I wouldn’t want to read it. The other people I like to read are the so called “main stream historical writers” Ellis, McCullough,Goodwin-Morris, Issacson (who by the way I don’t consider a historian, I consider a biographer) Raphael. These great writers who are discredited because they write for the public not for the academic. So? Because they write for the public it doesn’t make them flawed. In my  opinion it makes them better writers. They are doing what I feel needs to be done. They are delivering history to everyone. They are keeping history in the main stream. That being said, a good historical writer needs to be able to write for everyone . Academic, main stream, and research writing for journals. How do you find your favorite researcher? How do you begin to develop your own style of research writing? That’s the big question. I think I could read a dozen journals and never read the same writer twice. 

Tomorrow is Ben Franklins birthday. If there is any subject that I can research for hours and write about for days it’s my Ben. I’ve got enough books with in arms reach to read for a month, so I’ve challenged myself to compose between 10-20 bullet points of facts that I didn’t know before and turn them in to some sort of paper. I can’t believe I am giving myself homework during the winter break.  

I'm not a writer, I am barely a historian...

Bare with me, it’s my first time “writing” but I have to start some where.

UWM is a great school. They offer great resources for undergraduate students when it comes to helping us developing our writing skills, however, I am learning they are not always geared towards history majors.Historical writing is a certain type or writing. It requires taking large amounts of data, processing what is needed for the project you happen to be working on, and then taking that data and turning that data in to something readable. This differs from so many other types of writing because it’s not creative, its a very subjective type of writing. Two people can read the same primary source and take a way a totally different opinion of it. For example, I tend to look at most historical events with a religious tint, half the time without even realizing it. I know others who will spin a feminist view on the same document even if there isn’t a woman mentioned anywhere in it. Factor in the opinion of the professor and you have no clue what grade you are going to get on the paper. It’s hard water to navigate. So where do you start.

I think one of the biggest struggles for me has been to break free from my standard 5 paragraph essay. We all know it. It was pounded in to our heads in high school. It’s gotten my a’s thus far, but I think it’s time for me to abandon my old friend. He’s holding me back. Even if I can manage to stretch it out to 4 pages, they really do start to ramble on and unravel. I don’t know why it’s such a struggle to get away from this, one bit of advice that I received from a friend who runs creative writing workshops was to read my favorite writers to see what they do. Let me tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever read a 5 paragraph book. By anyone. Ever. Non fiction or Fiction.

The other idea that has been pounded in to my head that I can’t seem to get away from is that using “I” is evil. I am sure using “I” every other word is evil. I am sure that I don’t need to say that I believe that I believe that I don’t need to used the word I- see that I am doing here, but there isn’t anything wrong with using I. Surely every once in a while I can say something along the lines of “I intend to prove” But I don’t. I will thesaurus myself in to a frenzy to reword that phrase in to something else. Making myself sound stuffy and pretentious or at the very least crazy. I am going to work on this, as well as breaking out of my 5 paragraph slump.

The biggest thing I was able to take away from East Asian History this semester, besides learning to spell bureaurcracy, was learning to write more. At first when my Professor told me to write more I wanted to scream and yell and say how much more do you want me to write! Then, he gave us the chance to do a re write. When I had to retype out a hand written paper, I laughed at how sad it really was. It was a reality check. I really did need to write more. And when I asked what he meant when he said write more, he said tell me what you know. I said well you know I know about ____ he said it’s a test, how am I supposed to know you know that. That is when it clicked! Had this been multiple choice would I have just left half of the questions blank thinking he knows I know that? No way! So why would I omit half of the information on an essay question? So I learned to include more. Historical writing needs more back story! Of course this leads to the first problem, how much is too much, how do you weed the necessary from the unnecessary. How do you omit the facts that make you giddy happy, but would bore they every day person? How do you make an academic paper that has a word limit, page limit, whatever limit include EVERYTHING but still not run over?

I guess these are the things I hope to figure out. At AHA last weekend I picked up some amazing books on historical writing, Writing History A Guide For Students by William Kelleher Storey andEssaying The Past By Jim Cullen So far this week has been pretty hectic and I’ve only had a chance to glance at them but I am pretty impressed. Hopefully, once I’ve read through them I can go to history department with them and convince the history department and beg them to think about a formal historical writing class! Till the next blog! Hopefully with book reviews.

Speaking of Jim Cullen, Follow his blog, http://amhistnow.blogspot.com/ Maybe, he'll help me get followers too!